We did our first cow clinic. I did not do well. I did not understand what to do and I did not understand how to make my body do what was being asked.- I am a perfectionist on the inside with a lot of self doubt/ I dont like to do things that I cant win. In fact rarley will I allow myself to be in a position be be humiliated. But I did that this weekend.
JR is good at this they tell me - in the hands of someone who knows.. he is great.. in my hands he is not. Now lets get it straight that he is GREAT a great soul of a horse.. so that is never in question..
But working cows is hard work and I had never in my mind had broken it down..we had learned to drive and hold -- but working out a cow is wholly different.
That simple saying- nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I pick myself up - face my fear. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of failing - I am not afraid of landing on the ground....I am afraid to fail.
But - I am reading the" Eighty Dollar Champion". One of the lines in the book goes like this "When you have been given a second chance - you want to be worthy of it". It made me cry.. so I knew I had named one of my fears
I am afraid I am not worthy of this chance with JR. Not worthy of a chance to make my own dreams with horses come true. There - that is what I am afraid of .. named it.
Now - on to tomorrow.
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